No More Juice...well kinda

So the failed juice fast was 9 months ago.  What have I learned since then?  Well I am not cut out for extremes like juice fasts.  Did I lose weight on it?  Not really.  Did I gain lots of weight after?  Absolutely.  I gained about 12 pounds AFTER the juice fast in fact.

So what have I done since?

I got smart.  I started seeing a Diet Coach.  I started seeing a nutritionist.  I started seeing a therapist. I started reading a book that helps with cognitive therapy. What have each of these professionals done for me?  In a word: a lot.  (ok two words)

The nutritionist was probably the least helpful.  She got a rough estimate of what I eat daily, told me to eat no more than 1200 calories a day and said I wouldn't need to see her again.

To be clear.  I was 220 pounds.  I was doing a pretty strenuous workout routine and she wanted me to eat 1200 calories a day...ok...

The Therapist is ongoing help.  I see her once a week.  She has helped me realize that just because I was told that can't do things, that because I was told I'm lazy, that because I was told I was fat (all at a young age) that I don't have to be those things.  She helped me mentally prepare and stick to the Couch to 5k program.  She helped me realize that I have control over my own eating and my own life.  That my husband is a grown ass man.  If he doesn't like baked chicken breast, fresh veggies and brown rice for dinner, he can drive his ass to Carl's down the street and get himself something else.  Not that I treat my husband like that...but she helped me realize that I can only be in control of myself and it's important that I take care of myself.

The Diet Coach is the most amazing professional help I've ever received.  She cares.  She listens.  She gives honest feedback.  She looked at my FitBit Dashboard and analyzed my output vs. input and explained that 1200 calories a day while running 3 miles a day is NOT healthy.  In fact my weight went up a little when I stuck to the 1200.  She actually cared about me.  That's the most important factor.  I felt like someone wanted me to succeed.

And finally the book.  I am not associated with this book.  I am not gaining anything from recommending this book.  I simply read it, loved it, applied it and have seen results.  I also showed it to the therapist who was impressed.  The book is The Beck Diet Solution: Train Your Brain to Think Like a Thin Person.  It is not a quick fix.  It is not some amazing miracle that anyone can do in their sleep.  It is a lifetime of working at changing your behavior.  It is set up as a daily read that spans over 6 weeks.  One of the steps is giving yourself credit.  Sounds easy right?  But when is the last time you gave yourself credit?  Tonight I ate Domino's Pizza.  I had 3 slices instead of the two I had planned.  But instead of beating myself up about it, I calculated the calories, put them into my FitBit log and gave myself credit for not snacking all day.  (The good news is, with my activity level I actually have calories to spare for the day)  Another step is to focus on 5 pounds at a time only.  This book has helped me tremendously.  I have re-read certain chapters (especially Hunger, Cravings or Desire) over and over.  It's a process.  A lifelong process.

What else have I been doing?  A completed a 5k.  When I started the program I was worried about 1 1/2 minutes of running.  Now, I'm running up to 4 miles at a time.  My goal is a "Couch to Crazy" program.  A 5k, 10k and 1/2 marathon in a single year.

So where is my weight now you ask?  200 pounds.  Yes, this is only 10 pounds less than April.  But you know what?  It's 20 pounds less than May!  And 40 pounds less than 2 years ago!  I'll take it.

Red juice!  Red cabbage, red grapes, beet and greens, mustard greens, carrots and orange.  

Day One

The Night Before...

Juice Fast pt. 2

Tomorrow starts my juice fast (or reboot as Joe Cross says).  I have done exactly what I'm not supposed to do.  Today I ate Burger King.


                                            


It doesn't even look appealing in a picture.  Trust me I do not feel great physically.  I have started adding 1 or 2 juices to my day and the lemon water without removing any meals.  My 2-year-old is also loving the juice.  She pulled me by the hand and stepped onto the step stool and tried to shove apples down the shoot.  So we made some apple, carrot and lemon juice for her.

I DID go shopping.  I got cucumbers, kale, green onions, cabbage, carrots, celery, pineapple, melons, apples, pears, strawberries, oranges, grapes, coconut water and a large thing of plain H2O.

I completely forgot the ginger.  But I'm sure I'll be back to the store in a few days.  I can't wait to try some "dessert" juices.  I'm thinking mostly melon around bedtime.  I once read that melon juice is one of the easiest things to digest.  Who knows if it is true...but there you go.




Truth time.  Accountability time.  I'm still pretty sure no one reads this so I'm not too worried about it...but sometimes you just never know...someone will do a random google search for oatmeal scones and this blog will pop up 100 pages into the search results and they will click on it and *GASP* see these pictures.

But here we go:

 



210 pounds, heart rate of 116 just climbing my teeny staircase.  Not running mind you, just walking.  As of last night a resting heart rate of 77.

Do you see how tired I look?  I'm always tired.  Always.  That is 99.99% of the reasoning behind this fast.  I. am. exhausted.  I can't take it anymore.  The weight.  That's about 50%.  (I never said I was good at math..)

I'm going to do a quick video here soon...but I have been tired so long, I don't really know what it is to not be exhausted.

Let's do a quick recap of how my body feels from top to bottom:

• Dandruff
• Head aches
• Head is foggy
• Eyes are swollen
• Sinus pressure
• Neck is very sore
• Shoulders ache
• Breasts ache (Doctor can find no reason)
• Gut cramping (no...not near period, it just cramps)
• Back aches
• Joints in fingers ache
• Elbows hurt when doing menial tasks (laundry, etc)
• Knees ache
• Ankles ache
• Shins ache
• General fatigue 
• Body Odor
• Dry, flaky skin 

I tell everyone I'm in good health, but really what does that mean?  My blood work is all fine.  I don't have high blood pressure or diabetes.  I don't have high cholesterol or thyroid issues.  So that somehow equals good health.  But does it?  As I'm sitting here with a pounding headache and aches in the majority of my body I wonder. 

Emotionally I am super unmotivated.  I have no motivation to do anything!  I can't clean or organize or even play with my daughter.  My favorite part of moving is setting everything up and organizing and I just have no desire or motivation to do anything.  I'm walking around in a fog.  My floors are dirty, my sink is overflowing...My coffee consumption has gone up as I'm trying to power through and get things done anyway.  The last few days I've cut back to one cup a day...but I've been waking up with a headache.  

Juice Fasts

I am pretty much positive that no one reads this blog...which really makes it easier to write it.  

I've decided to do a juice fast.  

Dr. Furhman is the doctor monitoring Joe in Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead. I keep trying to do Eat to Live (ETL) and I feel like my food addiction is too strong. In the movie Dr. Furhman says that if a juice fast is what you need to reset your eating and taste buds then to go for it. So I am! I am starting Friday because my husband leaves Thursday night for 10 days and that will eliminate my having to cook meals for him and coffee for him in the morning. It will also let me get through the first 3 days (which are of course the worst) while he's gone. AND I have no obligations until Monday. 

I have the "just one bite" or the "just this once" problem. I have read Dr. Furhman's articles, I know I can let one meal go and move on with the next. I know not to have anything in the house. I just can't seem to power through the cravings and the "well just this one potluck/friends visit/trip to Vegas/etc" Cross your fingers that this can truly help me reset my diet. Truly help me reset my taste buds. I'm going all in and even giving up my coffee! :O I am very lucky that I have a jamba juice close to me and they can juice pure fruits, vegetables and even wheat grass for me. So if I'm out and about I can grab that.

I still have the mental issues. "what if I fail?" "what if my husband doesn't like the thinner me?" "What if I have skin hanging all over?" "What if *I* don't like the thinner me?" "What if my friends abandon me?" No answers yet...just watching Fed Up, Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead, Fat, Sick and Nearly Dead 2 and looking up juicers.

Musings of a Modern Day 50's Housewife

When I was in 3rd grade someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up.  I said I wanted to be a mom and a housewife just like my mom.  The substitute teacher...I will never forget her.  She was slim and dainty and reminded me of a willow tree.  She looked at me and said, "But you can be so much more!  Think about and I will ask you again".  So I thought about it and came up with "I want to be a nurse."  I figured it was as close to being a mom I could be and still be "MORE".  

When I started telling people that I wanted to be a nurse, I got the response, "why be a nurse when you can be a doctor?"  Ok...so I will be a doctor.  Then I struggled for years..."I want to be a mom.  I want to have children and a home...how can I do that AND be a doctor?  Won't one of them suffer?  My career or my home life?"  I would tell doctors my plan to become a doctor and the first thing they would ask is, "do you plan on having a family?  It's very hard to balance both."  Again...I know some women do this.  I know it can be done.  And to those women I say, "YOU ROCK"!  But I was so confused and getting bitter and angry.  Finally, when I met my husband I was so far from the doctor track.  I had so many different job experiences and while I loved working at first I'd quickly get bored, burned out and resent it.  One day he looked at me and said, "All your job and life experience makes you the perfect housewife".  I just sat there stunned.  No words (and anyone who knows me...has no idea what that looks like).  I thought about it for months, years...doesn't a housewife need children?  I can't be a housewife without children.  That's just lazy.  Ok, when I have children living in our home, I will be a housewife.  Our son, from my husband's first marriage, came to stay the summer with us when he was five.  It was amazing!  I stayed home with him.  I made breakfast and lunch and dinner.  We did crafts and school time.  We had a calendar and every day we did something different.  We went to the park on Tuesdays and Thursdays and we went to Story Time on Wednesdays.  We went to the beach on Mondays and Fridays.  Every Saturday we did something as a family, Aquarium, Zoo, etc.  And then...it was all yanked away.  He went back to his mother's house and started school.  I was again just a lazy dependa living off her husband.  (Because you know...the military pays so well...I only married him for the money)

I thought that I didn't agree with feminism.  But then I'd always give the caveat...I do agree women should be paid the same...and if a woman wants to work, that's her choice.  I think, "A woman's body her choice".  So I don't know.  Maybe I don't understand feminism....I just want to be at home with my family and make that my career.  Why can't I stay home if I want to?  Why can't I be accepted by other women and be respected for my life choices?  Why do I have to have a career outside of my home to be included in that club of acceptance?  

I started googling.  First came up the definition: 

house·wife

ˈhousˌwīf/

noun

1. 1. 

   a married woman whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework.

   
   

   
   

   
   

Then came the images...not very many good ones honestly. 

All I really wanted was advice on how to clean.  How do clean my house properly?  Instead all I found was snarky memes about how my life choice was demeaning to women and put feminism back.  Finally I found The 50's Housewife.  The first article I read, From Bored Housewife to Tranquil Domestic Goddess in 3 Easy Steps  Was eye opening.  I read more and more of her blog.  

Finally it hit me, if I want to stay home and take care of my children and it makes me happy to wear my apron and pearls while scrubbing toilets...who are you to tell me I'm less?!?  If I like my husband to be the man of my house, who are you to tell me that's wrong?  What bills of mine are you going to be paying this month?  

Today I read Holly's blog post: 

Why Real Feminism Allows me to Choose to be a Housewife

Now I realize, I am not anti-feminism.  I am for women CHOOSING what makes them HAPPY.  I do know some women who are very happy working outside of the home and to them I say, "More POWER to YOU!"  None of us should be tearing down others.  Empower, encourage, love, support! That's what needs to happen.