When I was in 3rd grade someone asked me what I wanted to be when I grew up. I said I wanted to be a mom and a housewife just like my mom. The substitute teacher...I will never forget her. She was slim and dainty and reminded me of a willow tree. She looked at me and said, "But you can be so much more! Think about and I will ask you again". So I thought about it and came up with "I want to be a nurse." I figured it was as close to being a mom I could be and still be "MORE".
When I started telling people that I wanted to be a nurse, I got the response, "why be a nurse when you can be a doctor?" Ok...so I will be a doctor. Then I struggled for years..."I want to be a mom. I want to have children and a home...how can I do that AND be a doctor? Won't one of them suffer? My career or my home life?" I would tell doctors my plan to become a doctor and the first thing they would ask is, "do you plan on having a family? It's very hard to balance both." Again...I know some women do this. I know it can be done. And to those women I say, "YOU ROCK"! But I was so confused and getting bitter and angry. Finally, when I met my husband I was so far from the doctor track. 
I had so many different job experiences and while I loved working at first I'd quickly get bored, burned out and resent it. One day he looked at me and said, "All your job and life experience makes you the perfect housewife". I just sat there stunned. No words (and anyone who knows me...has no idea what that looks like). I thought about it for months, years...doesn't a housewife need children? I can't be a housewife without children. That's just lazy. Ok, when I have children living in our home, I will be a housewife. Our son, from my husband's first marriage, came to stay the summer with us when he was five. It was amazing! I stayed home with him. I made breakfast and lunch and dinner. We did crafts and school time. We had a calendar and every day we did something different. We went to the park on Tuesdays and Thursdays and we went to Story Time on Wednesdays. We went to the beach on Mondays and Fridays. Every Saturday we did something as a family, Aquarium, Zoo, etc. And then...it was all yanked away. He went back to his mother's house and started school. I was again just a lazy dependa living off her husband. (Because you know...the military pays so well...I only married him for the money)
I had so many different job experiences and while I loved working at first I'd quickly get bored, burned out and resent it. One day he looked at me and said, "All your job and life experience makes you the perfect housewife". I just sat there stunned. No words (and anyone who knows me...has no idea what that looks like). I thought about it for months, years...doesn't a housewife need children? I can't be a housewife without children. That's just lazy. Ok, when I have children living in our home, I will be a housewife. Our son, from my husband's first marriage, came to stay the summer with us when he was five. It was amazing! I stayed home with him. I made breakfast and lunch and dinner. We did crafts and school time. We had a calendar and every day we did something different. We went to the park on Tuesdays and Thursdays and we went to Story Time on Wednesdays. We went to the beach on Mondays and Fridays. Every Saturday we did something as a family, Aquarium, Zoo, etc. And then...it was all yanked away. He went back to his mother's house and started school. I was again just a lazy dependa living off her husband. (Because you know...the military pays so well...I only married him for the money)
I thought that I didn't agree with feminism. But then I'd always give the caveat...I do agree women should be paid the same...and if a woman wants to work, that's her choice. I think, "A woman's body her choice". So I don't know. Maybe I don't understand feminism....I just want to be at home with my family and make that my career. Why can't I stay home if I want to? Why can't I be accepted by other women and be respected for my life choices? Why do I have to have a career outside of my home to be included in that club of acceptance?
I started googling. First came up the definition:
house·wife
ˈhousˌwīf/
noun
- 1.a married woman whose main occupation is caring for her family, managing household affairs, and doing housework.
Then came the images...not very many good ones honestly.
All I really wanted was advice on how to clean. How do clean my house properly? Instead all I found was snarky memes about how my life choice was demeaning to women and put feminism back. Finally I found The 50's Housewife. The first article I read, From Bored Housewife to Tranquil Domestic Goddess in 3 Easy Steps Was eye opening. I read more and more of her blog.
Finally it hit me, if I want to stay home and take care of my children and it makes me happy to wear my apron and pearls while scrubbing toilets...who are you to tell me I'm less?!? If I like my husband to be the man of my house, who are you to tell me that's wrong? What bills of mine are you going to be paying this month?
Today I read Holly's blog post:
Why Real Feminism Allows me to Choose to be a Housewife
Now I realize, I am not anti-feminism. I am for women CHOOSING what makes them HAPPY. I do know some women who are very happy working outside of the home and to them I say, "More POWER to YOU!" None of us should be tearing down others. Empower, encourage, love, support! That's what needs to happen.
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